`S/Y Te Kaihōpara in all her glory at Picton Marina`

23 Feb ‘24

After numerous delays, pesky weather-windows and dreaded last minute change of plans, Te Kaihōpara and her Chief Mate (me - Timmy), were finally prepping to go sailing.

We were not alone as we eagerly awaited our Skipper and the rest of the crew. Michael Elliot (hereafter known as ‘Mike’), had now spent almost three weeks onboard and was already considered a Te Kaihōpara veteran. He was ably supported in his endeavours by Matthew Cumming (aka ‘Matt’),a poet in his own right. The two of them had even taken a road trip to Christchurch together, a few days prior to our sailing adventure, leaving me & Te Kaihōpara quite worried about them making it back to Picton, considering their insatiable needs for speed.

We welcomed onboard Loretta Creevey (aka Loretta), a self-confessed Jimmy Paige worshipper; Kate Ellis (aka Kate), who was obsessed with getting the best bunk onboard, Dave Alden (aka Dave), who admitted to loving hunting, but raised my suspicions about probably being a bit of a hippy in his early years in the UK and of course, last but not least, Helen Saunderson (aka Helen), who was almost as well travelled as Te Kaihōpara herself.

The crew gathered around as I gave them their safety brief, assured them that they would be definitely rescued if they fell overboard at sea (Mike and Kate didn’t seem too convinced). A quick round of beers and strange Irish pub games at the local diner, ended with everyone settling into bed early as the adventure awaited the following day.

`Kate, Mike, Matt, Loretta, Helen, Dave and me out for our Irish-inspired Crew dinner`

24 Feb ‘24

The man of the hour, our honourable Skipper, Chris arrived like a Wild West ranger, multiple fishing rods in hand and a glint in his eye. The introductions were quick and the plans detailed as Te Kaihōpara’s gorgeous Gardner engine roared to life and we left Picton Marina. But of course, no adventure can commence without a touch of excitement as Te Kaihōpara lost rudder control almost immediately after leaving the marina.

All the usual suspects were immediately checked (hydraulic oil levels, steering control lines) and I found the fault in one of the isolating valves of the hydraulic system, which had accidentally been turned ‘off’ by one of our over-zealous crew members, whilst putting away the fenders in the lazarette. Te Kaihōpara and Chris were happy again and we set sail for Arapaoa Island as the sun played hide and seek with us.

Anchoring off Arapaoa Island and taking the tender for a quick exploratory run across to the bay, took us to a monument dedicated to the legendary Captain James Cook. Back onboard, the galley was bursting with action as Kate cooked up a storm and Matt introduced us to one of his legendary card games (I’m quite sure he invented 50% of them the night before).

`This expedition team would’ve made Capt. James Cook proud!`

25 Feb ‘24

Today was the first time I saw a perfectly square cut out in a giant rock formation in the middle of the sea. I would’ve denied its existence had I not seen it with my own eyes. Quite incredible what nature can get up to when left to its own devices.

`A feast worthy of a king onboard Te Kaihōpara`

As we approached Hardy Bay, Chris tried to get the fishing rods out, but decided against it after careful consideration of the sea state. He also vowed to catch more fish for the crew than they could ever imagine. We commenced our journey towards South Arm, Durville Island. As we anchored up for the night, an absolutely glorious piece of lamb was prepared by Dave and Helen.

26 Feb ‘24

`Kate showing the Blue Cod who’s the boss`

The Skipper woke up baying for Blue cod blood as we returned to our hunting grounds. I took the helm, as Chris expertly displayed the fine art of catching fish. Loretta caught eight beautiful Blue Cod all by herself, cementing her place in Blue Cod lore, as an absolute terror to the fish of the sea.

`Fish Filet Masterclass on the bow hosted by the Skipper`

The lesson wasn’t over yet, as Chris then went on to hold a master class in carving up the catch of the day. I spied the rest of the crew nodding along approvingly, as the skipper filleted all the fish by himself. Very sneaky I say! A glorious BBQ followed as we anchored up at Torrent Bay and everyone seemed to be worried about Matt’s unnatural obsession with the Mizzen mast.

27 Feb ‘24

Our plan was to stay on at torrent bay and explore the adjoining areas by tender. I held fort as the rest of the expedition crew went off to a nearby natural pool and chased away the local backpackers, to lay claim to the land. In the meantime, I discovered to my amazement that ducks absolutely despise lettuce, but would sell their own brother for a piece of mouldy bread. This new found knowledge might be helpful sometime in the future.

`Hidden spots for a quick dip at Torrent Bay`

As the crew returned, I noticed Loretta’s face was a bright colour of red. She’d accidentally set off her inflatable lifejacket in the tender. I empathised with her embarrassment, as I too had accidentally set off two of the life jackets whilst washing them in Hobart on Silver Fern. But hey, at least we knew the life jackets worked, right? As the afternoon sun warmed our feet, Helen explained the intricacies of Caribbean child naming rituals and I shared the fact that one of India’s many problems had reduced because I was now in New Zealand.

The night gently wound down as Mike made ridiculous claims about his love for Caesar salad.

28 Feb ‘24

The next morning we motored along to Tonga Island and anchored up within earshot of sunbathing seals. I did a quick round of the island on the tender and was delighted to spy a particularly fat seal, sticking his tongue out at one of his mates. Truly the epitome of basic communication. The rest of the crew played with the inflatable toys and raced their drones before it was time to leave.

I winked at the fat seal and as we left Tonga, me and Chris noticed an unusual noise from the prop pitch adjustor mechanism. We decided to minimise its usage and resolve the issue once back at Picton.

More trouble was brewing as the crew were refusing to eat Dave’s barbecued eggs (which I dare say were absolutely delicious) and reiterated the famous saying of ‘never judging an egg by its shell or a book by its cover’. We anchored up at Onetahuti as Loretta shared her tales of romance and treason in Paris, with Marco Pierre White.

29 Feb ‘24

The leap year’s favourite day commenced with an air of mystery as Kate and Matt lost the instruments dashboard on the navigational display. Like all good mysteries, it was solved and all was well, for now.

We dropped anchor at Kaiteriteri as the crew went ashore to restock some supplies and also feed on some local delicacies. On their return, we set sail for our next destination.

The leap year mystery and drama continued as we anchored near Adele Island and bees began to swarm the wheelhouse. Chris killed 6, while I swatted 10 of them to the nether realm before the bees decided to retreat. The crew then stocked up on beers and snacks as they went to the nearby beach on Adele island to enjoy yet another glorious sunset.

`Our trusty tender taking our adventures to the next level`

Loretta cooked buttery mushrooms for me for dinner, while the others ate tuna-pasta. That night, I truly rejoiced in my hatred of pasta.

01 Mar ‘24

I woke up early to catch the morning mist and was treated to an aerial acrobat practising her craft on a nearby boat. For a few minutes, I felt like I was back in the circus that I volunteered in during the winter season of 2022 back home in Goa, India. Bliss!

`Otherworldly sights in the Marlborough Sounds`

The acrobat disappeared as the sun shone bright now and we commenced our journey towards the French pass. The water seemed like glass as we glided across its surface. Matt played his daughter’s music for us (she’s an actual musician with a record deal in Los Angeles!) and Dave discovered the hidden treasures of multiple chocolates under the floorboard in his cabin, which he readily shared.

Dolphins accompanied us as we transited French pass, in far calmer conditions than what Te Kaihōpara had experienced during her trip from Nelson to Picton just a few eventful weeks ago. It seemed like poetic justice considering the circumstances leading up to the former trip.

Our next stop was Nukuwaiata Island, where almost all the crew caught at least one blue cod, as always, Loretta caught her bare minimum of eight again, I practiced handling Te Kaihōpara and Chris was expertly tricked into filleting all the fish again!

`No Blue Cod is safe when Helen and Loretta get down to fishing`

A BBQ fiesta awaited as the crew anchored up at Annie bay. Never before has any other crew onboard Te Kaihōpara cooked such delicious food day-after-day. Truly a wondrous achievement.

02 Mar ‘24

Our Skipper got us moving towards Resolution Bay, as we were all excited to meet the crews of Salt lines and Silver Fern. Sharing war stories is always a pleasurable experience after returning from sea.

The crew hiked and I tested the tender’s maximum speed in reverse gear before all three boat’s crews met up on Te Kaihōpara for a feast of sorts. I was glad to see my fellow Chief Mates, Matt, who’s beard needed its own pin code now and Jess, who’s obsession with potatoes might lead her to world domination or complete ruin.

The three skippers swapped plans for the race to Picton the next day as speeches and toasts were shared by all in equal measure.

03 Mar ‘24

The adventure came to an end as we all returned to Picton in one piece. Just as mysteriously as Chris had arrived, he disappeared, having left an incredible impression on Te Kaihōpara and earned an aura of admiration from me.

The crew dinner was followed by silent goodbyes as most of our crew members left in the wee-hours the next day. It’s just me and Te Kaihōpara now, awaiting our next adventure around the Marlborough sounds in few weeks.

Epilogue

Te Kaihōpara Crew Limericks

“There once was a girl called Loretta
who looked swell in pearls and a sweater When her life jacket popped
the pearls scattered and plopped
in the ocean, which really upset her

The sailing ship Te-Kai-hop-ara
was often stuck resting in habour
while the crew weren’t onboard
first mate Timmy was Lord
and would swipe right while raiding the Larder

There once was a south Africana
Who brought on the boat a banana When told ‘It’s bad luck’
Said ‘I don’t give a fuck’
Then his legs got chewed off by Pirahna

Kate was a sailing volunteer
So able, the mate let her steer
She avoided the tanker
So we all had to thank her
‘cause the tanker would have sank her, no fear.

Helen travelled across the Pacific For Adventure, to be quite specific Though the sailing was fine
She slept the whole time

‘cause the saloon was so soporific

Dave was a bloke from Dunedin
To the V berth you’d see him receeding Because under his floor
Was a huge chocolate store
And he’d eat the whole lot in one feeding

The skipper a fella named Chris
was called when the head was amiss ‘It’s blocked’ cried Loretta
so Chris tried to get her
not to use a whole roll for a piss

There once was a sailor called Matt
who was handsome and knew where it’s at the ladies adored him
and would always reward him
with fawning and Coo-ing and that “

-Original compositions rendered onboard by Matthew Cumming

Join the crew for a sailing adventure

Te Kaihōpara roars to life in “The Sounds”

That’s just show business