Some rest for the wicked

Opua Marina captured in one of its fleeting moments of serenity by Debbie

A long goodbye to our beloved New Zealand awaited us as Te Kaihōpara and I prepared for our maiden ocean passage to Fiji under the Ocean Sailing Expeditions banner. Little did we know, how lengthy and worn out our goodbyes were going to end up. The lead up to the passage was quite riveting as Skipper Jason and I hopped on Silver Fern along with JohnBoi and Hannah on a particularly foggy and wretched excuse of a day for a short sortie. Jason pleaded sweet nothings into the fog, hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive sun. You see, this day was one of great importance as Jason required to put his sextant (an instrument used for measuring angular distances whilst navigating at sea to measure the altitudes of celestial bodies) to good use and take measurements from the sun. Both me and him also had to attend our online oral examination for our Master of Yachts<24m NZ, an exam that I had successfully procrastinated and quite skillfully dodged since early february this year. Despite scottish moor-like conditions, we ended the day on a high note as we both accomplished what we’d set out to do. Now, real business awaited. A passage to Fiji!

Mo using her colouring sticks like she means it

I might be paraphrasing good ol’ Teddy Roosevelt when I proclaim that nothing truly worthy comes your way easily, as Maritime NZ hummed and hawed for an eternity over our dear Te Kaihōpara’s overseas travel permissions. Don’t they know President Roosevelt and Te Kaihōpara were both, in fact, inspirations for the invention of the Teddy bear? (I may or may not have made up some of that) Nevertheless, Te Kaihōpara and I played the waiting game with MNZ as Jason went off with JohnBoi and Hannah onboard Silver Fern to try and capture another sextant-aided glimpse of the ever-bashful sun. The day moseyed along as Te Kaihōpara and I welcomed our first adventurer for the Fijian Odyssey, Iain Mackenzie. Iain tried and horribly failed at hiding his canadian accent from us but turned saviour at the eleventh hour as the day’s rain and all seventy-eight of Silver Fern’s grocery cartons decided to arrive at the same time. To be honest, if I was alone that day, I’d have probably thrown some of the never ending fruit-slice cans into the ocean. Later in the evening, we were joined by Debbie, an aspiring clown college candidate and electrolyser of kidney stones. Te Kaihōpara and I honestly don’t know which one of her day jobs is cooler!

Tattoos of Camels on your big toe don’t impress Andy and Matt

Next in-line to join our ragtag team of ocean sailors was our local sailing veteran, Barry Nicholls, a freshly baked Yachmaster Coastal. The first entrant into the bow cabin was the tenacious Maureen, a.ka. Mo, who enjoyed pulling up her socks over her jeans. Brave move I say. Mo was joined by Peter, who’s jovial description of Te Kaihōpara’s exquisite Gardener engine reminded me of the late and legendary Richie Benaud commentating during a boxing day cricket test match at the MCG in the good old days. Following them was Matt, a sea shepherd fan and a long sufferer of misophonia due to snoring. The only couple on this trip were going to be Andy & Becks, Andy a french trained ex-sommelier who just wanted to drink wine from a box in peace with his one true-love, Becks, who was also on the run from the local paparazzi after her stupendous performances on Masterchef New Zealand. Finishing up the fearsome foursome of the bow cabin was Rob, whose mother’s Fijian routes yearned him back to the motherland. Last, but definitely not the least was Kat, a semi-professional cookie-connoisseur who’d run away from the hard-geezer lifestyle of soddy London. She had sailed on Te Kaihōpara (previously known as ‘The Dove’) during her younger years, but as all things in life go, change is the only constant and therefore both Kat and Te Kaihōpara had evolved like the sands of time.

This is actually a picture of my best feature, my delightfully tasteful calf muscles

More drama awaited Te Kaihōpara and her crew as Silver Fern got their customs clearances within the timelines set for their departure and Te Kaihopara-ians had to just wait and watch as MNZ delayed proceedings. Kat began shouting obscenities at the noon sky as the others tried to calm her down with decaf-coffee and giant blocks of chocolate. It worked, for now. Who knows how long before somebody from the crew actually cracked? Ocean Sailing Expeditionists cannot be held captive on land for too long. The remainder of the day was spent perfecting our Man Over Board skills as Iain shocked us all by announcing his departure back home due to a family emergency. He shall remain with us in spirit during our upcoming adventure.

Part-simpson character, part-teletubby,  that is what makes up the elemental units of an immersion suit

Despite all the frustration and bouts of impatience, Te Kaihōpara and I knew our delay in departure was only going to protect us from the horrid low pressure system devilishly circling around the tip of the North Island. The next morning was a triumphant one as not only did I hear Jason, our valiant skipper, sneeze just like a teenage pre-pubescent girl would, but we also finally received clearance to depart the country from MNZ’s head office. Once I stopped laughing at Jason, we made our way to Opua’s Customs office to receive our departure compliance orders. Sadly, I haven’t heard Jason sneeze again since that day.

Peter and Becks hoping to smile their way out of washing the dishes tonight

As we finally departed New Zealand, Opua decided to take in one last sacrifice before it let me leave, my shorts. My brand new Stingray swimming shorts slid into the dark murky depths of Opua marina, never to be seen again. So be it Opua, as long as Te Kaihōpara and I get to leave in peace. The crew did well to handle the new and ravishing ways of Te Kaihōpara’s in-boom furling system. A fitting goodbye to our kiwi adventure cameabout as Andy managed to catch a giant Kingfish just the the Bay of Islands disappeared into the horizon. 

New Zealand’s parting gift to Andy and Te Kaihōpara

The night watches went about their business as Mo and Peter cooked up a storm in the galley with some classic fish and chips. Sadly, many of the crew were more preoccupied with sea-sickness and could hence not partake. Nevertheless, it just meant I had a chance to get seconds! The crew did seem to ease into things as we gave the Iron sail a break and unfurled all four of Te Kaihōpara’s sails as she gracefully glided over the waves towards Minerva reef. At this point, Silver Fern left Opua a good twenty-two hours before us, let’s see how fast we can close that gap.

Everyone avoiding Mo’s break-dance competition invitation

Te Kaihopara and her crew bid farewell to New Zealand

- Arjun Thimmaya, Chief Mate, Te Kaihōpara